I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Welp...herpes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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