I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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