you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
