he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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