just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
