Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize