I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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