How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
