If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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