I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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