dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
