Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
