Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
