At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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