My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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