i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently the secret to your success is patron
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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