If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
