At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
