We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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