I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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