No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
