Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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