For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize