I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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