First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
