i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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