I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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