I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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