PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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