My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
