I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
