He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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