I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
