you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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