he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
