he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
