last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
