i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
