So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
