i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
