I looked at my own cervix.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
