I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
