The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
