I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
