tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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