i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize