i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
