I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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