Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
