If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
