you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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