I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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