This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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