Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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