i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
