Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize