i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
