my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
