Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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