nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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