ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
