It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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