You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
