i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
