she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will pee on everything he values.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
