i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
