he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize