Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
