did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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