im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
