out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
