And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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