That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you inspire me to be a worse person
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
