I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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