You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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