I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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