dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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