Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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