butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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