Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
