I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize