HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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