now i know why i became what i already was.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
