ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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