I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
