First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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