paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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