Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
