maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize