No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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