Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
